Changing my thinking

The last week has been emotionally challenging.  I'm not sure if it is because hubbie is away for work again, that I'm not feeling physically well, or the work I am doing with my therapist is taking it's toll.  I would say probably all of the above - but which is the main one??!!

Regardless, this blog is about finding the positive and peaceful within whatever is going on in my life.  So here goes...

The first thing I noticed was the beautiful, peaceful sound of the loud purring coming from the cat bed on my right.  My little angel curled up fast asleep but still with her gorgeous purr on full volume!  There is just something about the sound of a purring cat - heavenly.

Hubbie is coming home for one night tonight - I am looking forward to that very much!

With all the trials and tribulations of our fertility journey, my original reason for going to a new therapist was obviously put aside.  Now that I have dealt with (for the most part!) the grief over losing our babies and our dreams of parenthood, the time has come to return to the hard work of healing my eating disorder.

This is a big reason for not feeling great the last week.  My therapist has set me the challenge of really looking into what is going on for me when the ED arises.  How am I feeling?  What are the thoughts in my head?  What is the tone of my thinking?  What is the situation?  The week has been difficult and has left me with the feelings of never ever seeing the end to this issue in my life.

Yet, I refuse to give in to those thoughts.  My hopeful thinking here is that, after a lifetime of issues in this area, I am finally in a position of being able to heal.  This is my time.  This time, for so many reasons, the work will work! 

I am a different person now than where I was a few years ago.  Infertility and loss will do that to you.  But I have to say, I believe I am a better person.  The wisdom of experience is a centering one, especially wisdom that comes from such profound loss and the resulting journey that one must take to heal and move beyond the old dreams and into a new life.  When I think about the journey and that changes that have occurred, I find a peacefulness residing within me.  So, I am choosing to believe that this work I am doing will finally be fruitful.

My therapist is amazing and has a completely different approach from any other that I've seen.  And in conjunction with the work of my kinesioligist, I have everything in my favour!

So, today I choose to look at the difficulties I feel right now as steps toward a better future and a better life.  I choose to believe that I will be able to release these old ingrained habits as I also release the reasons they developed in the first place.

There is an end in sight.  It is positive.  And it's peaceful.